Blessed with Love

Two more days? That’s what I asked myself before I started summing up 2014 in my head. I felt really negative toward it because of the misfortunes and circumstances that I came across this year. However, I went through good things as well; things that I refused to see the good in them until they’re gone away. Well, I’m not here to make you think about your new year’s resolution or regret the ones that you hadn’t ticked off your list but I’m here to let you think about yourself, your ability to achieve things because I believe that each one of us is destined to achieve great things.

First, to the ones who are going to end this year with a heavy broken heart. There is nothing worse than being disappointed by the one whom you gifted your heart to, but I know how does it feel. It’s like you pulled out your emotions and exposed them nakedly, shamelessly in front that person and too bad this person was not the suitable home that can keep your heart and emotions safe and sound but instead they kicked them out on the front yard that left you there, hoping to break you. But here’s the good part, you’re not broken, maybe you stumbled and maybe you’re bent. Disappointments are not pretty but the pretty part of them is that they teach you a lot about yourself and test how much your heart can take. So, this is your chance to leave this “heart break” behind you and start with a fresh new one, a heart that is willing to love and care because that’s how good your heart is.

Second, to the ones with untamed dreams. I bet there are lot of people who pointed at you and said, “keep on dreaming” well you turn back to them and say, “sure, that’s how I live” because if your heart and mind don’t have the ability to wish and dream big then they might be dead because dreams are the reasons why I wake up every single day. Dreams are the oxygen that motivates you to take this life further and test your patience. Take those dreams with you and feed them with your stubbornness and power of will.

Finally, to the ones I love. You see I thought that 2014 is worse than 2013 that was worse than 2012 but to be honest, none of them was worse than another. They are just numbers that I blamed to make myself better about bad days. So my health isn’t helping me, my skin sucks and my grades are pretty much the same thing but I’ve gained you, your support, your love and since I’ve got this, then this upcoming number better bring it on because love and motivation is what got me through hard times and I believe it’ll get me through 2015 as well.

If I sum up 2014 in three words, I can say: Blessed with love.

What are your three words?

_____

Hope and Love

Maitha the Parrot 

God is with Me

In the land of olive trees and breezy wind, the people used to live peacefully even though they were threatened every single day; but one day they woke up to see their beautiful land covered with smoky clouds that had a disturbing scent and flashing lights that was brighter than their own suns, they looked closer into the scene and they found out that it's not their sun but a bomb that gave birth to an untamed fire. The untamed fire left wrecked homes and corpse; small town boys and men who survived tried their best to take some of the victims to the hospital that is nearby.

In the hospital, there was a doctor or at least a doctor to be named Rami, he is a new graduate but didn't get a chance to graduate because his university was destroyed for being a part of his innocent land. Rami vowed to be the best doctor that he could ever be, even though no one heard him as he vowed. His vow included taking care of the injured old man from his neighborhood who used to tell him stories about the heroes of his town and how they fought those who created the dark smoky clouds and how they fired his own people for protecting their own families. Rami's vow was a part of living tragic stories every single day when a mother mourns because the murderers burned her only son alive, and another story where a small girl comes asking for a bandage for her infant brother because there's no mother or a father to take care of her injured soul and her brother's injured arm. Rami’s vow didn’t include answers to the journalists who ask him questions that are out of his field,

“Aren’t you afraid?”

“Is there something you need?”

 “What is your wish?”

Rami respond the same way his mother would respond, “Mo mohtaj eshee Allah ma’ee (I don’t need anything, God is with me)” and that was enough to stop the journalists from interrupting his work.

One day, at the beginning of the day where the dawn haven’t stretched the skies yet, the enemies started crawling but they didn’t stand close enough to their target because they are known as cowards who would never face the heroes of this town. It was at the beginning of the day where Rami’s shift at wing B started where they take care of the injured children. He put on his green uniform that has stains of blood that couldn’t be washed away just like his memories for the past three weeks where scenes of blood and death couldn’t be washed away from his mind.

“Marhba beautiful ladies!” Rami said when he stood at the beginning of wing B where Al Qassam sisters stayed after they lost their brother and go injured when their home collapsed. The older sister looked at Rami and smiled,

“When will we leave this place?” she said.

“You don’t like it in here? With us?” Rami crossed her arms and smiled cunningly so he can make her laugh.

It worked and she giggled, “Dr. Rami you make wing B a happy place.”  Then she hugged him.

Rami enjoyed the innocent hug and it made him forget about his own pain few seconds. The suddenly he heard a disturbing noise that broke the silence and spread terror between the children’s eyes; “It’s okay, don’t worry.” Then he left fast to see what is not okay.

Rami rushed through the hallways to check wing A but it was fine, the patients waved at him then he left. He walked fast out of wing A to check wing C and D since they are a bit far; he walked until he saw flickering light and he remembered that this hospital is new and there is no way this happened within a day, so he started to walk slowly because his heart knew that there is something wrong.. he saw reddish light as he walked closer to wing C and then he heard weird voices and once he stood in front of wing C, he saw his fear right in front of him. The doors of wing C melted as the flames crawled out of the wing slowly.

“To go in or to stay here?” he asked himself but then he remembered his mothers words, god is with me.. god is with me.. god is with me he kept repeating it in his mind until he saw a blanket that the fire didn’t find yet, he covered himself and walked in but he saw nothing but flames. Rami tried to find someone whom he can help but he thought he’s too late until he heard someone screaming,

“HEY, HEY!! GET OUT OF THIS PLACE NO ONE IS THERE!”

Rami rushed outside as the fire caught the tip of the blanket and forced him to throw it in the fire pit. He moved out of the wing to face the person who shouted, it was he colleague Bilal.

“We evacuated this wing and wing D really fast and almost all the patients are in wing A and the basement. Those bloody cowards fired the hospital from a distance.” Bilal talked fast, his cheeks were really red from the heat of the fire and his green uniform turned darker from the sweat.

“Wing B??” Rami questioned.

“We need to evacuate it as well since all the kids are there.” Bilal added.

Rami ran to wing B faster than the breath that Bilal inhaled after uttering his words. Rami thought of Al Qassam sisters who stay at the beginning of the wing and the toddler who lost his mommy while she was shopping, he ran faster because he wanted to save them.. he wanted them to live, it’s too early for them to leave.

“CLEAR WING B NOW!” someone screamed as Rami approached wing B. He got paralyzed for a second thinking whom to save and whom to leave behind, then he ran faster than the flames that ignited wing B.

Rami tried to locate Al Qassam sisters and every child he knew, but he saw some of the doctors and assistants carrying the children and some of the children weren’t there; but there was someone who is crying right at the end of wing B. Rami tried to escape the flames that ate the beds and curtains so he can locate the crying voice..

On the left, small bed and a baby hands hanging from it, it’s the toddler who lost his mommy. Rami held him up and hugged him tight to get him out of there.. “WATCH OUT!” someone screamed but it was too early to watch out. Rami felt a sting on his back for a second and he instantly held the toddler tighter so no harm can reach the little thing; but the pain started spreading from his back right to his knees and suddenly he felt a new kind of pain and then he faded away.

At 12 pm; thirty minutes after the attack Rami opened his eyes one last time. He saw Al Qassam sister’s right next to him and he felt Bilal’s tears falling on his hand. He took a deep breath and said, “What happened to the toddler?”

“We couldn’t help him but please help us so you can stay with us Dr.” Bilal whispered.

“Listen.” He took a deep breath to escape the pain so he can talk, “You tell my mother, god is with me.. he is with m..” and he faded away but this time forever.

At 1pm; one hour after Rami’s death, Bilal knocked Rami’s house door and his mom walked out, “Khaltee” he said and then he started crying. Rami’s mother stood there silently waiting for more words to come out of Bilal’s mouth and after five minutes of patience Bilal told her that Rami’s last words. Rami’s mother asked Bilal to get everyone in the neighborhood around her house and she’ll be back in 3 minutes.

At 1:03; Rami’s came out of her house with a basket filled with candies and she stood between her neighbors.

She grabbed a hand of candy and threw it on the heads of her neighbors as the tears started flowing out of her eyes on her wrinkled old pretty face, “My Rami said that god is with him.” She smiled proudly.

“My son is out of this bloody war and I am okay!” she threw more candy on their heads.

“My boy will sleep safe and sound today and I will join him someday.. god is with my son and he is with us people! One day our dawn will come you have to wait because god is on our side!” she hugged her empty basket and cried out of grief and happiness because wars and massacres mess people’s emotions mercilessly.

_____

Hope and Love

Maitha the Parrot

22'O Three, My Heart is Waiting.

BEFORE YOU READ! 22'O Three was based on a true story and since all of you wanted to know what happened later.. The other hero of the story decided to write.

I hope you all enjoy the beauty of it just like I did.

_____

It all started with an anticipation of new story to be posted that night.

The author decided it should be on the 22/03 when the clock strikes 12am sharp.

Thrilled to have to have to open the world, I put the TV on "mute" and pressed on "play".

22'OThree was the title.

I had a smirk on and thought what a coincidence it is, 22'03 was my favorite date, the date where it all began.

I started scrolling down the page with my eyes as goes my fingers.

Word by word I read, line by line. At first I go through the story slowly, thinking of the 1st paragraph and how it related so much to what I've been through. A few seconds later I realize that I was speeding down the page without knowing so.

It was like rewinding a tape, a memory that I withheld.

Tears now running down my cheeks. Hot salted water.

Then in clicked.

It's me.

The character in the story is me. The author had the story so beautifully written, it made the story justice.

"Who is the story about?" I asked 

"Don't hate me....."

How could I ever hate you, I thought! You brought me back my wishful heart.

But none of these words would come out, as I was still experiencing shock and answered back "Thank you".

I always wanted a book about my heart and whomever it loved, most importantly about us. 

Something to document what I've been through.

Never in my life did I think that, this short-humbled story could satisfy my longing heart.

My heart awaits.

Because I believe that the love that we have will defy nature and if it's written in God's will, then nothing can deny it from happening.

I will someday announce this love I withhold deep inside my heart to whole wide world.

To me this is love, a love so great, pure and true, it could break bricks and build walls. So great it would make your heart burst.

_____

Dear, 

thank you for sharing it with us.

To My Idiot

Once upon a time I lived back there, where I chose to close my eyes and heart from love but somehow it still chased me. I used to let others know about how I feel and I enjoy knowing about heir feelings but I didn’t know that this point would change my life. He was there, chasing me and I loved how he did. His words made my day, it was a bit cliché because he always commented on pictures and I never thought something will grow out of this, “C’mon online love, seriously?” that’s what I told myself.

One day he texted me on my other account saying, “How about we work on a story together, and I’d love to hear your opinion about that.” I agreed because I thought that would improve my thinking because what you don’t know about him is that he’s a great writer, I begged to read his words back then but he usually refused or hid them from me. It started out weirdly, I considered him as a friend but I admired him. He kept worrying about me and refused to talk to me if I didn’t care about myself. One day we had a huge fight and I asked him “What is wrong with you?”

“You don’t understand.”

“Tell me.”

“I don’t want to be alone in this.”

Deep down I knew what it was about, “You won’t be alone in this.”

He admitted that it was love and I did the same too, at that moment I felt the ground took me up high to cloud 9 and left me there, with his heart and love.

We lived every single day as if we’re a chapter in a Disney fairytale book. Even our first meeting was mesmerizing; I was out with my aunts and sisters, he told me to take care of myself but minutes later he told me that he’ll join. I shouted at him, “Don’t!”

“Ya Habla (idiot) I’ll just look at you from far away.” He laughed. He used to tell me “Habla” all the time and I called him “Ahbal” (male idiot), it was our way of saying I love you in a funny way.

He came there and we stared at each other from a distance, I felt his eyes on me wherever I moved and every second I asked my sister, “Do I look good?” and she said yes to shut me up. That day he begged me to see him for a moment but I refused, then he stood away from me and whispered, “I love you.” I remember how his lips shaped the words and still my heartbeats fast whenever I remember it because it was the first time I had ever heard it from a man. Later when I came back home we fought over a silly thing and I told him I don’t want to talk to you ever again and I deleted everything related to him. The next day he told me “Habla” and we talked as if nothing happened yesterday. That’s how we lived for a year, fighting back and forth but still we found our way back to each other. He never cared about my flaws and I never cared about his, I loved every bit and piece of him.

During this year he convinced his parents to talk to mine so we can stop hiding and sneaking from everything. We were so excited and we planned everything but unfortunately everything wasn’t on our side and our love got rejected by both of our families. I was devastated and he was disappointed, our chance is gone but we asked ourselves would we still love each other or cut it off?

“Ya habla I love you.”

“Ya ahbal I love you too.”

That was the most repeated sentence between both of us. I was mesmerized, probably hypnotized by him and whenever we fight and he disappears, I have nightmares and then I’d wake up to the nightmare of his absence. I couldn’t let him go but I needed to. He tried to leave me but whenever I went and talked to him he comes back; he always said, “I’m fragile when it comes to you.”

I’m writing my story to all of you but the truth is that my head is full of memories, it runs smoothly but I can’t comprehended it right from his soul’s beauty. You read my words but my eyes are burring they’re red. Every memory used to bite a piece of my heart but now it sooths my heart just like how I hugged him for the last time. He asked me to be friends and forget everything, I thought he’s really cruel and how he could do that to me? He asked me to hug him for one last time and I did, my heart matched his heartbeats, I felt the warmth of his hands on my back; I owned the world and felt safe for the last time back then, and I moved further. I avoided staring at his dark tiny eyes for the rest of the day because his eyes force me to talk and I was scared, I was scared of saying “I love you” and not hearing it back from him. Two days after our last meeting, I decided that it’s time to let go because my soul got wrecked from begging him to stay and my mind got raptured from overthinking. So I told him, “Goodbye, for real.”

I stopped talking to him or thinking about him, I love him but just how his soul is precious, mine is precious too; and I know that he’ll fall in love again with a different girl so why would I chase something that is no longer mine? I made myself strong because once upon a time I thought that he’s everything and whenever he leaves, everything is gone with him but the truth is that everything still exists but I chose not see it.

I am stronger than before and don’t mistake my strength, it’s not hate because I still love him and respect him. I love how he laughs when I try to imitate his voice, how his hand is the size of my face, how I look like a midget when he stands next to me, his small heart-shaped lips, I still love everything about him and because of that I chose not to show it, I chose to give him a peace of mind and live happily away from me.

You may ask how can you be so strong and I say what he always told me, “We’ll marry each other in heaven.” I used to laugh at him and say, “Ya ahbal, I don’t think I will because I’m a sinner.” But now, I try my best to wash away my sins because I really want him in heaven.

I want to include one last letter for him but this is not like the usual letters that I used to write and conclude with a red or pink lips print on it.

My Ahbal,

I’m not going to mention how much I love you or say I love you because you know how much I hate it when I don’t hear it back.

Yesterday, I decided to write you this letter on my room’s floor. I wanted to include how much I love you and how everything was so perfect between us but before I tell you what happened, two days ago I bought myself a rose and I kept it in my favorite vase next to “The Fault in Our Stars” the book that I always begged you to read but you didn’t. I was on the floor and I gave my back to the rose and the vase, as I was writing I heard something crashing and I placed my hands on the floor to support myself as I turn around. I saw the book on the floor right next to the rose and the crashed vase. Then I felt that something is stinging my right hand, I lift it to see that the broken glass caused a cut on my hand. At that moment I washed my hands and ripped the papers where I wrote the words on because I believe that the rose is you and the vase is me, I was captivating you and till the very last second, I wanted to keep you; but the vase shattered into pieces and left a scar on my hands but it set beauty free. The scar is past and the shattered vase is I but I’m not shattered, the lost pieces of me are shattered only.

Today, I want to set you free because somehow I fell from cloud 9 to this dull world.. love and laugh don’t hold yourself back because I want to love and laugh without feeling bad but I promise, in heaven when we reunite I will love you again, more and I swear I will love you right.

Till I fall in your arms again,

Your Habla will always love you unconditionally.

_____

Hope and Love

Maitha the Parrot