Get Along with Life

I like to sum up every year in a post but I promise you that this one will not be about who walked in or out, because I love to live with an open heart letting people in and out without holding anything against anyone. It is not about if I fell in love or not because I’m always in love with this life and everything it offered me. This post is going to be about the last and most important lesson I learned in 2015.

On the 19^th of December I chose to wear one of my brother’s hoodies and go to my aunt’s house. We sat and talked till one of my cousins came and I heard him telling mom, “Maitha is lost in this hoodie.” I turned to him and I said that it’s not mine, he laughed and said, “I know, cause it’s mine.”

I didn’t get it at first until he said, “It looked familiar, your brother borrowed it from me but he never gave it back and I borrowed it from your another brother who originally got it from your dad.” Everyone started laughing because this hoodie was going around in a circle. Then I came home with this thought in my head and I related it to everything that is happening in my life.

If you looked closer, you’ll see that life is a chain of actions. Every event is followed by another event and it never stops, it keeps moving on and every time it will settle in a different position. My part within those actions is to go with it and try to make the best out of it even if it means staying up all night thinking about what tomorrow morning is holding for me.

So yes, life is like a machine that never shuts off because it is fueled by grief, misfortunes, hope, love and you. So just learn to go with it and I’m sure that sometimes these actions will lead you to nice stations that are crowded by lovely memories and good people.

Remember, a year is just defined by a number like age and time, so don’t go with the ideology of “new year, new me” hoping that this idea will help you adjust with your life. Learn to accept yourself as you are and if you wanted to change the way you look at life then wake up everyday reminding yourself, “new day, new me”

Finally, if I sum up 2015 in 4 words,

I can say: Get along with life.

 _____

Hope and Love

Maitha the Parrot

Sunset

It’s morning and I haven’t slept yet,

My glasses are blurred

And my heart is wrenched.

I started avoiding sleeping at night

So I can miss the sunsets.

Paroxysm of sorrow hits me at its best,

I can no longer stare at the sun as it leaves me,

It reminds me of your presence

Where now it belongs to my past tense.

I wouldn’t say I’m hurt or broken since you left

But I am damaged, wounded, all torn up..

To the point where I gave up on my scars and bruises,

Where now I am the obstacle that trembles every traveler’s step.

They try to carry me but I force them to keep me on the side of their path,

‘cause I, I need to rebuild myself..

You still exist in me,

Scent, words and some of your magical spells

But I try to overcome you,

However, every time I disappoint myself.

Surely, I missed countless sunsets for the sake of your memory;

Still, you sir..

You are my faultless sun that keeps my risings and sets.

I miss you.

More than anything,

And larger than the biggest star that brought us together.

I still miss you,

But what else can I do or get?

Other than missing and grieving over a sunset.

Feel it All

My mother taught me that it is okay to fear something and it’s fine if you don’t want to get over it because it prevents you from getting into troubles but at the same time she taught me that not every kind of fear is healthy for you. For instance, I used to fear staying in my room alone and the moment I was left alone I always feared the unknown but when I was 18 I had to get over it because I had to stay alone. You see, fear can be developed and forgotten and just like any human I have fears.

Two days ago I had a conversation with my best friend about this new fear that I developed and as stupid as it sounds, it started terrifying me to death for the past two weeks and that’s why I thought about letting it out. My new phobia is “not being good enough” “unworthy” or “replaceable” for someone. I thought about the ones who chose to fall in love with you for a reason that you thought it makes unique and then use the same reason to fall out of love, maybe because they found that reason in someone else or simply because they woke up one day and decided not to love you anymore.

Just like you, I’ve been through this point, the feeling isn’t pretty and it sort of makes you lose hope in everything because if someone can’t maintain love right then what good is he/she to the world? Of course after letting loose of my thoughts my best friend told me that it’s stupid of me to give up on every relationship because I don’t want to get hurt, and of course I refused to listen because I’m stubborn as usual but I read a quote that made me rethink about that stupid phobia of mine

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power.” – Jim Morrison.

I might not be good enough for someone or maybe one day someone decided to change their mind about me and you know what, it’s okay because I hate to be the victim. Sure it hurts but I’ll get over it and one day it won’t matter to me at all just like how I didn’t matter to them.

We can’t force anyone to like us or even accept us; if they want to leave then darling let them. Keep your door unlocked and give them a warm pat on the back and be grateful because they taught you how to be strong.. and when it hurts you, remember that it’s better to feel it all rather not feeling anything at all like them.

_____

Hope and Love.

Maitha the Parrot.

Life's not fair

Give your best, do your best and everything else in this world will follow you but years later we realized that’s not how it works. We realized that this life is not fair and you have to accept it whether you like it or not. Actually, ever since I was a teenager I realized that life is not fair but I didn’t want to admit it because I was scared of what I might face next? I mean, I lived to witness the unexpected and I wasn’t perfectly fine with that but it made me feel better.

A week ago or even more, I had a conversation with a close friend of mine and I remember that I was ranting about lot things and I was truly suffocated from everything around me, I remember this friend’s lines: “When you hit the rock bottom, there’s nothing below than this state. Something ought to be changed, I’m not telling you that everything will be pink and rainbows won’t start spreading across your sky but something will change.” At that moment those words didn’t help me but a day after that I started thinking about it and linking it to everything around me.

When you hit the bottom, you’ll feel helpless and you may think that you’ll live in this pit of misery forever but if you looked at it from a different angle, I assure you that you’ll feel better. There’s no such thing as I lost it all because losing something means that there’s a room for something new and it might be better and it might not but that’s when life walks in to treat you fairly or not.

You and I both know that this life sometimes punches you and then help you stand, then it punches you again and it goes on and on. At that moment remember, you’re at the bottom nothing is left to pull you down not even gravity so instead of sitting down and feeling bad over yourself, stand and do your best even if you fail at least you found something that you should not attempt to do again; and don’t you dare and say “the position I am in cannot be changed” at least change your view, hope for the best and aim for it instead of losing every single cell of hope in you.  

Asking for an internal change isn’t easy but with patience and a strong will everything can be done. Life is not fair but that’s not your fault, so start to believe in your own potential and be rebellious. Rebel on this life when it doesn’t offer you what you need. Again, life is not fair but rebels frighten life and it goes with what they want.

don't forget, stay hopeful

_____

Love and hope

Maitha the Parrot 

To the unborn piece of my heart

To another piece of my heart,

I'll say it to you right away and I'll be honest. Honesty doesn't exist all the time my love and life won't do anything about it because sometimes it enjoys the lies that it throws at you. But darling don't worry because your mother will always keep her arms open and she'll always try her best to keep her huge wings over you so no harm can touch you. But when my feathers fall off and my wings crumble or if you no longer want to be under those wings because you desire wings of your own.. It's okay, I'll keep my wings away and I'll give you a chance to grow and fly. However, if you disliked the skies or forgot how to fly because of an eagle who passed by, your mother will always be there to catch you before you hit the ground.

Honey remember that your mother fell and stood again without anyone’s help, not even your father's help; so you're going to be a warrior just like her and you'll stand on your own but if the ground pulled you down to its core, my hands will be the first thing you see. I'll bring you up because no daughter of mine is brought to up to stay down forever.

And baby girl, remember that blisters and scars are part of who we are; don't be ashamed to wear them or talk about them because it shapes you and defines how strong you are.
So darling always wear your truthful smile, show them how god's beauty work because you are a fine piece of art that god blessed me with.

Finally, my piece of heaven, you my darling, you don't need my permission to mess up once in a while because no matter what, I live to love your perfections and flaws.

Sincerely,
Your mother and warrior.

_____

Hope and love

Maitha the Parrot