22'O Three, My Heart is Waiting.

BEFORE YOU READ! 22'O Three was based on a true story and since all of you wanted to know what happened later.. The other hero of the story decided to write.

I hope you all enjoy the beauty of it just like I did.

_____

It all started with an anticipation of new story to be posted that night.

The author decided it should be on the 22/03 when the clock strikes 12am sharp.

Thrilled to have to have to open the world, I put the TV on "mute" and pressed on "play".

22'OThree was the title.

I had a smirk on and thought what a coincidence it is, 22'03 was my favorite date, the date where it all began.

I started scrolling down the page with my eyes as goes my fingers.

Word by word I read, line by line. At first I go through the story slowly, thinking of the 1st paragraph and how it related so much to what I've been through. A few seconds later I realize that I was speeding down the page without knowing so.

It was like rewinding a tape, a memory that I withheld.

Tears now running down my cheeks. Hot salted water.

Then in clicked.

It's me.

The character in the story is me. The author had the story so beautifully written, it made the story justice.

"Who is the story about?" I asked 

"Don't hate me....."

How could I ever hate you, I thought! You brought me back my wishful heart.

But none of these words would come out, as I was still experiencing shock and answered back "Thank you".

I always wanted a book about my heart and whomever it loved, most importantly about us. 

Something to document what I've been through.

Never in my life did I think that, this short-humbled story could satisfy my longing heart.

My heart awaits.

Because I believe that the love that we have will defy nature and if it's written in God's will, then nothing can deny it from happening.

I will someday announce this love I withhold deep inside my heart to whole wide world.

To me this is love, a love so great, pure and true, it could break bricks and build walls. So great it would make your heart burst.

_____

Dear, 

thank you for sharing it with us.

To My Idiot

Once upon a time I lived back there, where I chose to close my eyes and heart from love but somehow it still chased me. I used to let others know about how I feel and I enjoy knowing about heir feelings but I didn’t know that this point would change my life. He was there, chasing me and I loved how he did. His words made my day, it was a bit cliché because he always commented on pictures and I never thought something will grow out of this, “C’mon online love, seriously?” that’s what I told myself.

One day he texted me on my other account saying, “How about we work on a story together, and I’d love to hear your opinion about that.” I agreed because I thought that would improve my thinking because what you don’t know about him is that he’s a great writer, I begged to read his words back then but he usually refused or hid them from me. It started out weirdly, I considered him as a friend but I admired him. He kept worrying about me and refused to talk to me if I didn’t care about myself. One day we had a huge fight and I asked him “What is wrong with you?”

“You don’t understand.”

“Tell me.”

“I don’t want to be alone in this.”

Deep down I knew what it was about, “You won’t be alone in this.”

He admitted that it was love and I did the same too, at that moment I felt the ground took me up high to cloud 9 and left me there, with his heart and love.

We lived every single day as if we’re a chapter in a Disney fairytale book. Even our first meeting was mesmerizing; I was out with my aunts and sisters, he told me to take care of myself but minutes later he told me that he’ll join. I shouted at him, “Don’t!”

“Ya Habla (idiot) I’ll just look at you from far away.” He laughed. He used to tell me “Habla” all the time and I called him “Ahbal” (male idiot), it was our way of saying I love you in a funny way.

He came there and we stared at each other from a distance, I felt his eyes on me wherever I moved and every second I asked my sister, “Do I look good?” and she said yes to shut me up. That day he begged me to see him for a moment but I refused, then he stood away from me and whispered, “I love you.” I remember how his lips shaped the words and still my heartbeats fast whenever I remember it because it was the first time I had ever heard it from a man. Later when I came back home we fought over a silly thing and I told him I don’t want to talk to you ever again and I deleted everything related to him. The next day he told me “Habla” and we talked as if nothing happened yesterday. That’s how we lived for a year, fighting back and forth but still we found our way back to each other. He never cared about my flaws and I never cared about his, I loved every bit and piece of him.

During this year he convinced his parents to talk to mine so we can stop hiding and sneaking from everything. We were so excited and we planned everything but unfortunately everything wasn’t on our side and our love got rejected by both of our families. I was devastated and he was disappointed, our chance is gone but we asked ourselves would we still love each other or cut it off?

“Ya habla I love you.”

“Ya ahbal I love you too.”

That was the most repeated sentence between both of us. I was mesmerized, probably hypnotized by him and whenever we fight and he disappears, I have nightmares and then I’d wake up to the nightmare of his absence. I couldn’t let him go but I needed to. He tried to leave me but whenever I went and talked to him he comes back; he always said, “I’m fragile when it comes to you.”

I’m writing my story to all of you but the truth is that my head is full of memories, it runs smoothly but I can’t comprehended it right from his soul’s beauty. You read my words but my eyes are burring they’re red. Every memory used to bite a piece of my heart but now it sooths my heart just like how I hugged him for the last time. He asked me to be friends and forget everything, I thought he’s really cruel and how he could do that to me? He asked me to hug him for one last time and I did, my heart matched his heartbeats, I felt the warmth of his hands on my back; I owned the world and felt safe for the last time back then, and I moved further. I avoided staring at his dark tiny eyes for the rest of the day because his eyes force me to talk and I was scared, I was scared of saying “I love you” and not hearing it back from him. Two days after our last meeting, I decided that it’s time to let go because my soul got wrecked from begging him to stay and my mind got raptured from overthinking. So I told him, “Goodbye, for real.”

I stopped talking to him or thinking about him, I love him but just how his soul is precious, mine is precious too; and I know that he’ll fall in love again with a different girl so why would I chase something that is no longer mine? I made myself strong because once upon a time I thought that he’s everything and whenever he leaves, everything is gone with him but the truth is that everything still exists but I chose not see it.

I am stronger than before and don’t mistake my strength, it’s not hate because I still love him and respect him. I love how he laughs when I try to imitate his voice, how his hand is the size of my face, how I look like a midget when he stands next to me, his small heart-shaped lips, I still love everything about him and because of that I chose not to show it, I chose to give him a peace of mind and live happily away from me.

You may ask how can you be so strong and I say what he always told me, “We’ll marry each other in heaven.” I used to laugh at him and say, “Ya ahbal, I don’t think I will because I’m a sinner.” But now, I try my best to wash away my sins because I really want him in heaven.

I want to include one last letter for him but this is not like the usual letters that I used to write and conclude with a red or pink lips print on it.

My Ahbal,

I’m not going to mention how much I love you or say I love you because you know how much I hate it when I don’t hear it back.

Yesterday, I decided to write you this letter on my room’s floor. I wanted to include how much I love you and how everything was so perfect between us but before I tell you what happened, two days ago I bought myself a rose and I kept it in my favorite vase next to “The Fault in Our Stars” the book that I always begged you to read but you didn’t. I was on the floor and I gave my back to the rose and the vase, as I was writing I heard something crashing and I placed my hands on the floor to support myself as I turn around. I saw the book on the floor right next to the rose and the crashed vase. Then I felt that something is stinging my right hand, I lift it to see that the broken glass caused a cut on my hand. At that moment I washed my hands and ripped the papers where I wrote the words on because I believe that the rose is you and the vase is me, I was captivating you and till the very last second, I wanted to keep you; but the vase shattered into pieces and left a scar on my hands but it set beauty free. The scar is past and the shattered vase is I but I’m not shattered, the lost pieces of me are shattered only.

Today, I want to set you free because somehow I fell from cloud 9 to this dull world.. love and laugh don’t hold yourself back because I want to love and laugh without feeling bad but I promise, in heaven when we reunite I will love you again, more and I swear I will love you right.

Till I fall in your arms again,

Your Habla will always love you unconditionally.

_____

Hope and Love

Maitha the Parrot

22 O'Three

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

22-03

That’s when it started, it is sad how recall every single memory. It never left me no, whenever my heartaches I close my eyes and allow the flashbacks to flow. I thought I was crazy back then but right now I’m feeling my sanity.. I did the right thing and I chose the right one but only if it lasted much longer.

It was cloudy yet sunny day, the weather couldn’t decide whether to be warm or cold, just like my heart right now.. We were in the car, back from school. As usual I sit in the front seat and my cousin Mahra sits back, I was going through my BBM chats but suddenly my face almost hit the front window. The driver hit the car in front of us. I saw a lady walk out of the car and she looked so frustrated! Mahra gasped and said, “Mohammed, that’s Aisha’s mom!”

“Who is Aisha?” I asked.

“She is my friend.” Mahra said.

Aisha walked out of the car, and this time it was my moment to gasp. I gasped because she is the prettiest girl my eyes had ever seen, It was love, I knew it; but back then I kicked that thought out because I didn’t want to sound like a typical childish teenage local. Aisha had a tanned skin and beautiful dark wide eyes. I stared at her for half a minute I guess, she’s prettier than princess Jasmine from Aladdin.. at the same day, I went to Mahra and asked her about Aisha, “Do you know this girl? The one we hit her car today?” Mahra laughed, “That’s creepy, and I told you she’s my friend.” I pretended that I’m not interested at all but since that day I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Two months later, I overheard Mahra that Aisha’s birthday will be next week and I thought this is my chance to let her know about my true feelings. Mahra thought that I’m stupid but I didn’t care, I knew I couldn’t attend so I went and bought a cake and some flowers.. Later Mahra sent me a picture of their mini surprise party and few minutes after that Aisha texted me, that was our beginning. We stayed up all night texting each other. You might think yeah, typical local guy texting a random pretty girl but I swear she is different. I’m not that guy who used to text teenagers and asks them for their phone numbers or pictures. Days and months passed by and it proved that my Aisha is the one. My Aisha had been there for me all the time just like how fairytales worked, we were together during happy and sad days.

Our graduation day was close, I kept saying that I won’t get to see her so I don’t raise my expectations then get shocked when it hits the floor but at the same I found myself saying, “If I didn’t see her on the graduation day, I might not see her ever again.” I had to think of a way that might help, so I went to my mother and told her about the whole thing and I asked her to go and knock their door but like every mother; she laughed and said, “You’re still a kid!” I went to my sisters so they convince my mother but still I got the same response, “Get your bachelor degree and we’ll be right in front of her door.” I had to give up and just wait. However, I never thought about talking to her on the phone because I love her so much and my love wants to protect her rather than satisfying my desires. At our graduation, everyone on stage was looking at their folks and friends and trying to spot them but I was busy trying to peak at her and her gorgeous eyes, I didn’t want this day to end.. Sadly it did but I decided to tell her about what my parents said, “Wait for me.. I’ll be there the moment I graduate.” She texted me, and my heart almost got out of my chest because of the text, “I’ll wait for you.”

Two years, we never stopped texting each other.. She’s my cousin’s best friend, she got to know my cousins more and even my sisters knew everything about her and how much I love her. During this time, we did all the great cheesy things.. Watching movies and criticizing them all night long, romantic movies were her favorite, man I hated them so much but I’d watch it for my princess.

We had our ups and downs, lot of fights but later on we’d laugh about them. She’s the best thing that I got to know, she always reminded me to pray, how to face difficult situations, sticking by when conditions got worse and never got bored of me, she kept loving me and my love grew for her. It bothered me when someone talked to her mother about marrying my Aisha but she stayed faithful and I remember she told me once, “Someone proposed.”

And I asked her, “and your response our beloved bride?”

She laughed, “OF COURSE NO!”

I told her once, “If you married him, ya wailch! (I’m warning you)”

…

One day she texted me,

A: “Will we be together?”

“Insha’allah.”

A: “No, I want to know how long will I wait?”

“God, I’m still studying.. Why are you talking about this thing?”

A: “I said no to lot of people don’t you understand?”

“I told you I’m studying, I can’t for now.”

A: “Then sweetie let’s stop talking and when you’re done, you’ll know where to find me.”

“But I love you!”

A: “You’ll find me someday.”

I lover her.. and since that day my life had been miserable because I keep thinking about her, I really don’t know if she knows about how much I love her and I really need her! More than anything, my heart is heavy when I wake because I know that every day won’t be the same..

Aisha I’m writing so you can see what you’re ignoring and I’m asking you, how can you be stronger than me? The memories don’t bite you at night? Aren’t you missing me? I’m lost and every day my heart is getting ripped into million pieces! What if someone else had you before me? Will you leave me behind on the shelves of the past? Bu I don’t want to be gone, I want to be here with you and by you, I can’t live right. I don’t want to be the one left behind.

I love you, each and every day; reach out and make me feel safe once again.. it’s 22 O’Three please have mercy on me.

_____

Hope and Love

Maitha the Parrot

Happy Ever After

29^th January 2014

Part of being a woman is to stand for my own kind and fight for them but this time I couldn’t because I felt helpless and useless due to what I saw. I saw the worse kind of pain crawl into someone’s precious body..

I’ll share it and my heart is literally broken over that person because I witnessed with her what I fear the most.. I witnessed the death of a broken soul.

….

Dear Maitha,

I’m sorry I haven’t written in a very long while but please I want you to pardon me because you wont believe what happened!

Few weeks ago my uncle talked to my dad, his son “Hamdan” the one whom I always described as a gentleman wants to marry me. Mom and dad came and told me about him, they also told me that he’s a great choice because no one would ever treat me the way he wants to treat me. He’s a great man to be honest, he’s committed to his religion, he has his bachelor degree, he’s handsome, he knows how to treat a woman right and above all they say that he loves me.

Last week I told my parents about my decisions and it’s a YES! Can you believe that I’m getting engaged? I’m not in love with him yet but I hope one day I will fall in love and live my happily ever after.

I apologize again for not contacting you and I hope you accept my apology.

20^th November 2011

                            Love,

                          Mai.

….

Dear Maitha,

I apologize again for not returning your calls and that’s because I’m going through hard times and I can’t talk to anyone. I’m ignoring everything..

Remember the gentleman I told you about? The one whom I’ll live my happily ever after with? Well, he decided not to.. He called my dad and told him “Sorry I’m not interested in your daughter anymore, we’re different and it won’t happen.” But that’s not the shocking part; the shocking part is that my family and his see that it’s my fault! It’s my fault because after building hopes for both of us with him for one year he realizes that he’s too young for a commitment and it’s my fault because he’s a man, he can’t be wrong. It’s my fault because I’m a girl who respects her family, so much which made her, swallow a pill of humiliations and allowed it to inflame her heart.

I’m sorry for complaining about my stupidity and fantasies but I need you now and I need your prayers.. Please don’t let me down.

                                               

 30^th December 2012

                            Love,

                          Mai.

….

Dear Maitha,

Life is full of ups and downs but mine has lot of downs and most of the time I felt sorry for myself; but today I don’t because I think life is finally smiling back at me, you want to know why? Keep reading..

A month ago I met an inspiring writer his name is “Fares” as you know it means the knight and his friends call him “Bu Sh”hab” I think that’s adorable.

He is a true gentleman and he treats me with respect and love. By love I mean, I’m in love with him!

I’m in love with his laugh,

I’m in love with the way he imitates my voice at night when I whisper to him so no one can hear me,

I’m in love with his smile that shows half of his teeth,

I’m in love with his tough and strong spirit,

I’m in love with his soul that lifts me up when I’m down,

I love him more than anything!

My mom knew about him and she was mad at me but he promised to knock my door and my mom is fine with the idea but she asked me not to talk to him, that’s tiring because I miss him even when I’m talking to him.. I love him and we shall live our happily ever after.

                                                  30^th August 2013

                            Love,

                          Mai.

….

Dear Maitha, 

I really can't predict my life anymore, everyday surprises me; not by getting sick or failing courses, it's much worse.. Maitha my soul is wrecked, or it's getting wrecked.

The gentleman,

The happy every after,

I'm not even close to that. My mom refused him and his family, that made me hate myself, despise my existence. I wish he never met me, I didn't mean to hurt him.. Maitha I love him! I keep telling him that every single day but he won't believe me.. He says that I don't understand what he's going through and he refuses to understand what I'm going through. My mum and dad forced me to say yes to marrying my cousin "Ahmed" the one I told you about couple of weeks ago. He's so full of himself and he thinks he's a saint, everyone sees him as a saint but I see him as the devil similar to the one who made Adam and Eve eat from the forbidden tree..

I am tired Maitha and I love Fares, he's the only thing that forces me to smile.. I love him even though we can't be together.

                                                  15^th September 2013

                            Love,

                          Mai.

....

Dear maitha,

I no longer have the power to speak or write. I can't fathom what's going around me. I don't feel comfortable at all.. I'm done with this life.

Fares and I fought easily, he threatened me to leave every single day unless I break a condition and I'm tired of breaking things for his sake; I don't feel that he's respecting me or my womanhood, he's being so fussy and I can't keep up with him. 

Now he's living a happy life without me, he left because I refused to unfriend a person, he thought that person is a pimp and he doesn't know him! Fares became a very judgmental person, not the fares I met but I'm still madly in love with him and I can't hold myself back. He's gone, and I no longer have something to look forward to.

Maitha tell me..

Is it fair?

My cousin ditched me because he got bored.

Is it okay?

My parents forced to marry someone I hate.

Is it right?

My fares fell in love and then out of it so easily while I'm here suffering.

What about me?

Have they though about me?

They call me selfish but I'm the one who's being their doll, they place and replace me so easily! They expect me to be fine with their actions. 

Am I an easy target? 

Men play with my feelings, they force me to love them and when I do they just walk away, but I am a HUMAN! Do you understand that Maitha?

Maitha, where's my happily every after?

Will it walk in and never out?

Or it'll keep giving me false hopes?

I have lot of questions and I need answers.

                                                  25^th November 2013

                            Love,

                          Mai.

....

Dear Maitha,

This time I'll keep it short.

Do you remember when I asked you about my happy ever after?

I'll get it tonight, so take care darling.

                                                  26^th November 2013

                            Love,

                          Mai.

....

Dear Mai,

I keep calling you and I keep texturing you but I know that you won't pick up or reply because you're gone.

I don't miss you at all, but I'm happy that you got rid off this life, I'm happy that you finally got your happy ever after. But what happened to the ones who hurt you earlier? Did someone knock them so they get a taste? I was wondering but now I have my answers.

Hamdan is living happily ever after, he's working and everyone thinks he's a gentleman.

Ahmed is carrying on with his life and I don't know a lot about him except that he's living a great life.

Fares, the love of your life, the one you chose over so many.. Well darling he's the happiest, he's dealing with your absence perfectly.. He's living his happily ever after sugar.

It's not fair that they're living happy because of your misery, I can't find the bright side of it..

Love, you're soulless body taught me that no one will stay forever, you're heart that became numb showed me that screw them all.. All of them!

I'm fine thanks to you,

I'm great because of your happy ever after lessons but I feel bad because you had to experience them so I can learn.. I love you and this the last time I'm writing you.

28^th January 2014

                            Love,

                          Maitha.

 _____

Hope and Love

Maiha the Parrot.