“I still remember the first
time I laid my feet in Washington D.C. it was rainy but there was a cold
breeze, the brown and orange leaves covered the ground leaving the trees naked
in this cold.
I missed home the moment I
walked out of the airport cause at that moment I knew there’s no way back. I
chose this.. I chose to spend the next four years of my life in this place. I
chose it because I need to walk out of my life for a while, I need new people
in my life, not judgmental people but people who wouldn’t judge me out of a
sentence that was heard by hater rather than me.. I wanted a break, is that so
much to ask for?” He shut his video camera off. Saeed got used to video
diaries, it’s the only thing that kept him away from breaking down.
Saeed is a nineteen years old
kid who moved to Washington D.C to complete his bachelor degree but deep down
he went there to escape, he couldn’t handle being the popular kid that was
known everywhere. He was worth all the attention! Broad shoulders that made him
look like a royal prince, a neat trimmed beard, pointy nose a mark that
indicates that he’s Emirati and he completed his majestic face with a smile
that gives the others a sneak peek to his teeth. He looked like Flynn Rider for
every girl who wanted to be Rapunzel. And he also acted like him, wise and
funny.
….
He opens his apartment door,
walks in to see the same scene. Everything was frozen, no sign of life in this
dead place. He takes off his shoes and throws them in the middle of the living
room because he was sure that his mom wasn’t there to shout at him from the end
of the hallway “SAEED!!! Pick your shoes, you’re not a kid anymore.” But he
wished she was there, he’d do anything to sit with her even if it was for five
minutes.
Saeed goes to his room, throw
himself and his worries on his beds for couple of minutes, then he rushes to
get his video camera before the moment is gone. “Hey self! Today I went to my
first physics class at George Washington University!” he said it with an
excited voice like Nickelodeon kids reporter who shows his excitement but deep
inside he hates himself for ending up in this career.
“Nothing happened to be
honest but I met this weird guy who didn’t talk for fifty minutes! I tried
talking to him but he either fakes a smile or nod as if he meant ‘Leave me
alone you freak’ but at least he didn’t say something mean.
I want new friends who don’t
know the famous Saeed who laughs a lot but deep inside he needs someone to fee
his pain. I want new friends who have parents that won’ say ‘Watch out! He’s
not a good friend.’ I want friends who’ll love me for being Saeed, I want to be
me all the time. I’m tired of ignoring people who send noting but hate, I’m
sick of explaining myself to strangers who judge me based on what they hear!
Why they can’t come to me and say ‘Hey Saeed, did you really do this? Did you
really say that?..’ Any question! I
swear that I’ll answer honestly!” he shouts but too bad that he’s talking to
his reflection only. “I want others to know the real me not the guy who sits
behind a screen to type.” He sighs and shut his camera off.
It was 7PM when the snow
decided to cover Georgetown; it was so cold outside that even the squirrels hid
in their dreys because the snow’s coldness crawled to everywhere. At this time
Saeed decided to cook something, his stomach started it’s own symphony. Plain
pasta was a fine idea to him, easy and delicious. As the water stated boiling, he
threw all the pasta inside the pan, while he was staring at the pasta he
remembered that he hadn’t heard his mother’s voice in a while.
“HI!!!” his voice was
dripping with joy as he heard the noise at the background, kids were screaming,
his sister was shouting and the maids were mumbling something not
understandable; all of them created a joyful nose but his mum interrupted that
song, “Hala fdaitk! Oh how much I miss your voice and face. How are you
sweetie? Did you eat something? Do you sleep well?..” She kept on asking
continuously, her lungs couldn’t take a break to let air walk in. Saeed knew
that he must stop her or she’ll forget to breathe, “Umee breathe! I’m fine.. As
long as you and the others are doing fine.” He calmed her down but poor mommy
her heart is on fire, she couldn’t stop missing her baby, “What’s wrong
darling? Are they still bothering you?” sadness concealed her voice. He forced
a smile, “You know them.. They won’t change or leave me alone. I don’t know
what’s so enjoyable in bullying someone behind a screen, but I’m fine mum don’t
you worry. I manage to stay tough, just keep on believing in me yal ‘3alyh.”
Her heart was broken because those bullies won’t leave her son alone but she
tries to comfort her child, “It’s okay, you know how haters are, they’ll try to
drag you down to their level but you’re more than that kid! For god’s sake who
can develop an online game when they’re in grade ten only? But my son did! And
who can think that a sixteen years old boy can start his own business? Well, my
precious did!” Saeed laughed because he knew that his mom was proud of him and
that’s all he needed. “Laugh munchkin! Laugh and be proud of yourself, don’t
let anyone take that smart kid away from you..” Saeed interrupted his mother,
“Umee! There’s a noise coming from the kitchen, I’ll check what is it! Just
tell everyone Saeed says hi and I’ll call them later.” He didn’t give his
mother a chance to say anything.
He rushes to the kitchen to
see that the pan on the floor, it was too small to hold the pasta so I boiled
and fell on the floor. Saeed started complaining, “Yeah right, that smart kid
couldn’t cook a damn pasta, that smart kid couldn’t iron his clothes without
burning anything, that smart kid couldn’t find one real friend who’d help him
get through this shit.” He takes a deep breathe and sits on the floor “This
smart kid couldn’t stop the others from hating him..” then he started bleeding
salt out of his eyes, he clenches his teeth and hold his fists together till
they turned red like blood, he didn’t want to make a sound, he wanted to cry in
silence but the knocks on the door terrified him more. “Saeed! Open the door.”
Saeed’s screeches turned to loud sobs, he started wailing like a baby who
needed his mother’s arm. “Saeed! OPEN THE DOOR OR I’LL BREAK IT!” The voice was
more serious and full of anger but Saeed was drowned in his own puddle of tears.
Mishary breaks in to see his
colleague on the floor, he stares at him for a while but then he decides to sit
next to Saeed and throw his arm on him, “No matter how bad it is, we can fix
everything brother.” Saeed tries to
gather his voice to say, “They won’t stop hating me or leave me alone! I don’t
know why, they never try to know me but they keep on judging and creating
another person that’s not me! Parents are forcing their kids to stay away from
me but I’m not what they believe!..” He stops to take a breath then he squeals
and let pain leak out of his eyes. Mishary smiles at him and say, “I ran away
from Kuwait for the same reason, they can’t leave me alone but I stopped caring
man! A true friend would make an effort to know me that’s why I stopped explain
myself. At the end I became a care-free person.” He laughed and it made Saeed
laugh too and wipe away he tears. “C’mon let’s pray together.” Mishary offered
his hands. They both prayed and both of them allowed their tears to flow.
After a moment of silence
Saeed decides to speak, “Mishary follow me, I’ll show you something.” Mishary
smirks, “What about the pasta war in your kitchen?” Saeed gave him a sarcastic
look, “No worries, you’ll clean it later.” Mishary followed him to the room,
“Man I feel sorry for your future wife.”
Saeed turned on his video
camera and Mishary sat next to him. “Hi self once again, today we’re not on our
own because we have a guest today! It’s the nodding dude.” Mishary interrupted,
“Dude you’re not serious and that’s what you call me? Nodding dude!” Saeed laughed,
“That’s the only thing you’re good at! Nodding and smiling.” Saeed nodded to
mock Mishary. “But you could’ve thought of something better.” Mishary giggled.
Saeed stared at his new friend, “Shut up please because I want to talk to us.”
“Yes sir.” Misahry sat straight.
“Hi self! Today I learned a
valuable lesson from this handsome man and I’m not being sarcastic! Haters will
always try their best to get through your flaws, as much as I want change their
perspective I couldn’t! At the same time I can’t be a perfectionist because I’m
full of flaws just like everyone out there and we all know that Allah is the
only perfect thing in this universe.
I won’t care anymore about
what others think as long as I’m doing the right thing! My main goal is to
please god and make my parents proud.
This is my last video diary
cause there will be NO weak moments at all, Mishary got my back and I got his.
GOODBYE!”
He shuts the camera off and
throws it on top of the closet
___________
Next time you want to send
hate to someone I want you to think deeply about it because your words might
leave a wound in their soul. Choose your words wisely.
{إذ يتلقى المتلقيان عن اليمين وعن الشمال قعيد ما يلفظ من قول إلا لديه رقيب عتيد}
[ق:17-18]
Hope and Love
Maitha the Parrot
